KILL BEAR, FUCK KAHUNA, MARRY CHANDLER: A BRIEF ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF THE HOLLYWOOD SURF GURU

The Hollywood surf movie starter pack begins with waves, obviously—preferably big waves. Add a young surfer on the cusp of a life-altering experience in those waves, a love interest, a bad guy (or at least a bad influence), and plenty of out-of-tune surf dialogue.

Last but not least, you need the guru—someone to direct our hero down the path of what the guru himself believes to be surfing righteousness.

The guru is older. Vigorously male. Possibly enlightened, but just as likely—and the...